It's been a good number of months and I think that I have, for the most part, been living better. I am more ready, in many situations, to look actively for the positives of the moment (as opposed to passively being happy). Furthermore, should I happen upon a negative, I am quick to rant it away and to not hold onto it for long (the exception being really bad drivers - look, if you risk my life, I'm a little put out by you, and I think that that's fair.) In fact, I've been turning some of the negatives into a possible stand-up comedy routine. Who knows if I'll ever make it to amateur night, but it's still constructive on multiple levels? Overall, I'll give myself a B+ for the effort, but I cannot rest on these laurels. In colnclusion I must continue this path (and please forgive the pun but): Cheery-ho!

• Live better.

To clarify: First of all, I am NOT endorsing Walmart with their use of this slogan. Rather, I simply want to live better than I have been in recent years. This includes a focus on eating better and working at maintaining/creating health. This also includes a focus on the positive and a conscious separation from the negatives in my life. Unfortunately, I cannot wholly eliminate all of the negatives as doing so would create certain other equal negatives, but I can at least try to feel better about these negatives. (Slow progress here, but yet it is progress.) And, a part of living better is in holding myself to a lesser standard. PArt of what has been souring my mood is that I have set goals too lofty and I need to take time to regroup some of my foundations before returning to the loftier goals. (Example: streamlining my entire collection of boxes that I've moved from place to place with will no longer be the goal. Instead, obtainable short-term goals like a box per week will be in place. Overall, the result may still be the same, but the perspective I bring to it, and resultantly how I will feel about it, will be more positive. In a way, its shifting towards a half-full mentality from a half-empty one. (Um, can I re=phrase that? Yeah, but it did sound kind of funny that way.))

Also, I have been looking to right some wrongs. Again, baby steps (cf. What About Bob?). Perhaps the largest growth so far was separating myself from playful situations that I do not consider to be play. One example is in acknowledging a crisp distinction between (A) being actively engaged in an activity with unknown outcomes that are at least in part shaped by my participation and (B) going through motions as others get to enjoy play. In most cases, this means "resigning" the game (as is done often in chess culture). In some cases, this means paying attention to my levels of tiredness and bodily stress as distractors from effective game play.

...and, in a rare, few cases, it means not playing most games with certain people. In such a game, this comes from a different distinction than the aforementioned. Here, the game necessarily creates a conflict (in game) which is parallel to the conflict (in life) already in place. I see no reason to continue to put myself in a situation of play-conflict before addressing any real-life-conflicts as I perceive (correctly or not) that the real-life-conflicts are being, in part, played out through the game... which means that it is not really play, the purpose of the activity. This has already helped in that I am associating the negativity of prior "play" experiences with the players with whom there was already conflict and therefore I am getting to enjoy better the games themselves when I am playing them with other players. This was not the intention of my decision here, it simply was a consequence of it.

There was also one other major growth area besides game playing: handling adversity. I am better able than ever before to call for a brief time-out to regroup and refocus on productive points in arguments. In general, I am putting up with a lot less bullcrap now because I am helping to not create that bullcrap. Not everyone in my life has appreciated this change because it means that I've quickly disabled some of the manipulative tools that have been previously used against me. Frankly, too bleepin' bad for them, boo hoo, waaaugh. Note: this doesn't mean that I go out of my way to pick fights; it simply means that I am no longer as willing to accept unreasonable accusations (the emphasis being on the denail of reason). A lot more progress will come of insistence on reasoning principles. In fact, that has been so far invariably been the result of this change, even though progress may translate to the loss of a few friends and acquaintances.

This emancipation viewpoint is the realization of the advice from the book Passionate Marriage, although the majority of the advice is really applicable for any important relationship that one has in their life. Basically, it advocates that permitting people to repetitively crap in your life is your fault and it needs to be addressed, even if it ultimately means leaving that person. That is, you have to live with yourself, you don't have to live with others, the choice of what to do in impossible circumstances is clear: get rid of them. Prior to these circumstances, however, do what you can to clearly identify and communicate goals, first to yourself, then with those close in your life. Presumably these people are close because you do want them close, but do not lie to yourself in the process: not all people that you want in your life are good for you – be honest about what that means for your relationships.